Hey Zara, What’s With Your Weird Slogans?

Is it just me or are Zara’s slogans really bloody weird?

Disclaimer: As a rule I hate most slogan t shirts that I encounter. Perhaps a reaction against my youth when I wore a baby pink vest with HOTTIE eblazoned on the tits. Inappropriate, for an 8-year old. Ever since I saw one on Instagram last year that said “I’m that girl that listens to gangster rap on the way to the farmer’s market”, I have been vitriolic in my stance against completely pointless slogans. This summer every high street shop seems to think they need to put ‘mermaid’, ‘undercover mermaid’, or something about fucking mermaids (and yes the fucking is necessary) on any item, and it’s really infuriating. the only slogan I’ve ever loved was one I saw in Beijing last summer which read “young lovers never DIY”. Sage advice, really, should IKEA ever release a self-help book.

Back to Zara. At the risk of sounding obsessive, I have been quietly examining Zara’s slogan t-shirts for a few years now. You thought I was going to say weeks, maybe months at a push – oh no, this is the real deal. I started noticing that their clothing was emblazoned with bizarre words a long time ago, and began documenting.

You might wonder why exactly I find Zara slogan items strange,. Often the sentences didn’t make sense, had spelling mistakes which definitely weren’t ironic, or were just, frankly, completely redundant. They have a habit of ruining a perfect nice basic tee with their apparent need to grab a thesaurus and throw whatever they find at the chance flick of a page right on a poor, unsuspecting tee. The only way to really drive this home is through a series of images, collected over the last few years, accompanied by an explanation as to why it doesn’t make sense. Then, by the end of this post, you too will be able to see why Zara slogans are quite so bloody weird.

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“YOU#”

Starting with an obvious one, this slogan is weird because the hashtag is in entirely the wrong place. I mean there isn’t really a whole lot left to say, but that is weird right? Is it an error in printing? Or is Zara perhaps trying to make a statement about social media in general by misplacing the hashtag? Who knows.

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“ONE NIGTH ONLY”

Again, is this another printing error? The subtle spelling mistake has me incline to believe that it might be one big mistake, because I don’t think that errors in spelling are ever successfully ironic, really. Except for a t-shirt I saw in Beijing which read “Young Lovers Never DIY”, which was successful. Realistically, this was a mistake that either nobody noticed or nobody cared enough about.

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“I’M A BURGUNDY COLOUR”

Yes, I suppose this statement is correct in that the t-shirt is burgundy. That’s all I’ve got. My main issue here is that can you be a burgundy colour, or are you actually a burgundy shade? Because burgundy is the colour, and the specific burgundy of this t-shirt is really a shade, a subset of the colour.

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“I HAD A FLASHBACK OF SOMETHING THAT NEVER EXISTED”

My issue with this is that it’s a little #edgy. By that I mean that it is trying to be edgy and ‘deep’, but failing because again it just doesn’t make much sense. It’s stupid. Are you some kind of mystic? It’s a premonition, not a flashback. I have no idea and frankly I don’t think I care.

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“PRETTY PERFECT ‘FEMME'”

Only one problem here: why is femme in quotation marks? This might potentially be a statement about female identities and perhaps even challenging archaic perceptions of the perfect female, but I highly doubt that. It is more likely redundant grammar, which I hate more than potentially ironic spelling errors.

So while many bloggers are photographing the perfect flat lay and taking photos of their brunch before they eat it down, my hard-hitting journalistic endeavour is slagging off high street slogans. We all need our niche.

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