Audrey Hepburn called them the Mean Reds, others have dubbed it the January Blues…Whatever you want to call it, the winter months following Christmas just bloody suck.
You no longer have a reason to drink mulled wine on a random Tuesday afternoon, you can’t take a week off to sit in your pyjamas and most of all, all that stretches in front of you is months of cold without any brightly coloured lights to make it ‘festive’.
January is a month to be taken in stages, and luckily I’ve taken the time to identify these stages and save you the trouble of living it.
New year, new you, am I right? It’s 2017 and you are here to tackle whatever comes your way. Although you miss Christmas, really, another chocolate orange would have tipped you over the edge, and that much mulled wine really was starting to make you worry about staining your teeth. Bring on a new month and the opportunity to stick by those super realistic resolutions you have set for yourself.
We’re talking self-denial. Although you’re starting to miss the bank holidays and the excuses to drink at 3pm, you made a committment in those resolutions. New Year’s Eve might now be a hazy memory, but the faint recollection that you committed to quitting the booze/sugar/gluten (I do not condone sacrificing any of these, for the record), is sticking with you, so you have to save face and deny, deny, deny.
The Low Point
It’s January 14th and you’ve realised that you’ve got a long way to go. The distant, fond memory of Christmas Day and your pride at how much you managed to eat (boys love a girl with a healthy appetite) can only sustain you for so long. In a moment of weakness, you cave and indulge in some mulled wine, even though you’re going sober for the month, and even though it really is a bit weird to make yourself a lone batch of the spicy delight outside of the festive period.
You’d give anything for a public holiday or some other vague festivity to have something to look forward to. Suddenly, the idea of Galentines Day, the empowered female’s equivalent of Valentines Day, which you’d scoffed at a week before when your best friend suggested it, doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. After all, you could go big and book a day’s holiday, just to really mark the importance of the occasion.
You have come to realise that January is just like any other month, which means that your fresh start really could come at any other of the 11 months that you have to chose from. Really, Dry July has the same ring to it as Dry January, and since you’re aiming for Stoptober come October, what’s the use in depriving yourself now? You’ll turn over that new leaf another time.
You know what, I’m right there with ya.